On the plane leaving New Orléans it was easy to tell myself that everything was going change. Like a fairy god-mother waving her magic wand, the years in the French Quarter would melt away; I’d have a new life, find true love and live happily ever after. It sounds great; but the fact is, true love is hard to find when you’re damaged goods.

It wasn’t until after the birth of my son that I became interested in men again. I don’t know if it was longing to feel a hot body next to me in the bed or if I was looking for my prince in shining armor to rescue me and the kids; but, I was ready to take the leap. Stepping in the dating scene was a whole new challenge that I wasn’t mentally prepared for. I was use to flaunting my stuff in front of men and making them want to sleep with me. I had no idea about dating etiquette. One would think that I would’ve tried to hide my past, but I just didn’t know how to keep my mouth shut. Within the first few minutes of a conversation I was spilling my guts about being a stripper. I don’t know if I was proud or if I just didn’t have enough sense to keep quite. But there I was with diarrhea of the mouth telling crazy tales from the French Quarter. Needless to say, the few men that I was intimate with wanted one night with a stripper and nothing more.  

Then one day, I met the man who was to later become my husband. It was a chance encounter, walking home from the grocery store with two kids in tow; a car pulled over and asked if we needed a ride. Loaded down with as many bags as I could carry and still push the stroller, I was quick to accept the stranger’s kind offer. He was a nice man and even helped me get the kids and groceries in the house. We sat and talked for a few minutes and then he was off to work. There was something different about him. Nothing I could put my finger on, but he was defiantly different from the other men that I’d met. There was no phone numbers exchanged, only a hand shake.

A few months later I started my first real job working at a local fast food restaurant. One day while working the drive through, I handed out a bag of food out the window and there he was the man who’d given me a ride home. His eyes seemed to light up when he saw me and he smiled big while asking I got off. With a line of cars behind him, he promised to stop by after work and give me a ride home. When the end of my shift came, there was no sign of the nice stranger so I walked home. Since I’d moved recently, I knew I’d probably never see him again and I didn’t give our chance encounter much thought.

Later that year, I took a temporary factory job. When they showed me my work station, I was surprised to find that the person training me was the same nice man who’d offered me the ride home almost a year earlier.  I never thought I would see him again, but there he was right in front of me. Even though the job sucked, I went back the next day. I just couldn’t miss out on talking to him more. I knew there was something different about him. He was a real gentleman and treated me like a real lady; something I’d never experienced before.   

We quickly became good friends and he did everything he could to help me and the kids. After struggling with childcare and he offered to let me move in so that I could work one sift and him the other and childcare wouldn’t be an issue. It sounded great and we moved in right away.  A few days later it was my birthday and my new roommate had a romantic day planed for me. He cooked me a wonderful breakfast and then took me and the kids up on the mountain to see the snow. Driving around, he showed me all the sights and we even had a snow ball fight. It was a fun day and by the time night fall came it was obvious that our friendship was growing into more.

I moved into his bedroom that night and we became lovers. Unlike the other men I’d met, he liked me for me not for the stripper fantasy that others had. Although I told him about being a stripper, I didn’t tell him about the kid’s father or any of the dark side that I lived through. Mainly because I was afraid that if he knew all of the truth, he would throw me away like the garbage that I felt like.

It was only a short time later that we were getting married. It was true love, even if I didn’t realize at the time. I knew he loved the kids and would be a wonderful father and support for us. But I didn’t love myself, how could I love someone else.  Looking back on it now, it was a fairy tale come true; I just couldn’t see it at the time. Needless to say, I did everything I could to self destruct. Fights, affairs, drug use, drinking, you name it and I did it. Thankfully, no matter what I did to push him away, no matter how bad I acted, he stood by me and the kids. I think my issue was that I didn’t believe that I deserved anything good in my life.

Life was hard on him back then, but he wasn’t giving up on me. It took years for me to figure myself out and began to be the wife that he deserved.  There was no ah ha moment or light bulb that went off, it was a slow process. But I was changing and that was apparent. Instead of trying to push him away, I began to do anything I could to please him. I wanted him to know that I didn’t married just for a baby daddy and that I truly appreciated the things that he’d done for us.

Things were rocky for many years. The kids had issues that took a lot of our energy. Of course the kids had problems, I was a mess for their younger years and wasn’t the mother that I am now; honestly. With everything going on, it was a long time before we had the connection that we have now. For many years it seemed like we just went through the motions. Along about the time that the kids entered high school everything began to change quickly. I found myself head over heels in love with the man I’d spent twelve years with. I couldn’t get enough of my husband and I never wanted to be away from him. I began to wait on him hand and foot, and I strived every moment to show him how much I loved him. When the kids moved out and joined the army, we began to delve into sexual exploration and everything changed again. Our souls seemed to connect on a level that I never knew was possible. It was like the saying “two become one”; that was us. Through sexual exploration our souls intermingled and our minds joined. It’s hard to explain, but it’s real and the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced.

After almost three years of the journey, we are more in love than I ever knew was possible. The nineteen years we’ve been together hasn’t always been easy and I made a huge mess of things more than once. But, I’ve finally found my fairy tale ending.