Etiquette is essential when attending an event or a class and should always be in the forefront of your mind no matter how big or small the event is. It can be intimating for anyone new to go into the world of bondage and share such an intimate side of themselves. Many aren’t sure what to do at a bondage event, private party or class.
I asked some of the more experienced riggers on FetLife for their advice to newbie’s and this is what they had to share.
Communication is the key:
Proper bondage etiquette starts with communication. At an event, ask questions about what’s going on around you. Ask if you see some new position or style of tying. I promise riggers are generally happy to answer your questions and eager to share. If you are unsure if something is acceptable ask the host or an event guide for assistance. They have most likely heard it all, so don’t be bashful. Asking is a lot better than doing something embarrassing. In a rope class, communication is your tool to learning. However, be mindful of others in the class and don’t monopolize the instructors time.
Be patient while you learn:
It’s easy to show up at an event and immediately become overwhelmed by all the new things you’re seeing. Take your time, stand back a little and take in things slowly. Fully appreciate the learning process. Everyone learns at a different pace. Some people need more explanation, repetition or time to learn. Don’t be shy, ask your instructor for assistance. If you really just aren’t getting it, try watching how others are doing it taking mental notes. You can also seek extra help from your instructor after class time so that you don’t hold back others who are trying to learn also.
Be mindful of others:
No one likes the person who knows it all. If you’re not at your first event or class, don’t over shadow the rigger, instructor or leader. There’s always a way to let others know your knowledgeable without being pushy. For instance, if you happen to see that your neighbor needs a little help and the instructor is busy, offer your assistance; but in a nice way that doesn’t seem like you’re trying to show off. However, when the instructor stops by to help, sit back and let the instructor take over helping. Believe me; others’ will notice your skills as you grow.
Other event basics:
Knowing the dress code is a must. If in doubt contact the event coordinator or instructor and inquire about the dress code.
Hygiene is also a must. No one likes a smelly rope bottom.
Never approach anyone during an event without being aware of their current dynamic rope bondage situation. Sub/Dom/Rope Bunny/Instructor Depending on their dynamic it may not be appropriate to talk to them during an event. When in doubt, ask the event host or a worker.
Don’t interrupt someone else’s fun. Most of the time it’s ok to watch and is often encouraged. But it ends there. Never invite yourself into the scene or invade the rigger’s space.
Respect each other’s privacy. Don’t show up with your camera in hand and start snapping pictures. Ask the instructor or even leader first. Even if you have permission from them, it’s always best to ask the person you’re photographing also.
According to fellow FetLifers, practicing rope bondage etiquette is essential to you enjoying your event. Everyone stressed that often times people come with preconceived notions of what’s allowed and then cross lines that shouldn’t be. A fun event is not only your enjoyment, but also other attendees comfort.
Be mindful of you words and actions, be reserved when it’s called for, learn all you can and enjoy yourself; that’s the advice that echoed from experienced riggers.
