Being Kinky and Our Faith

*Please note that this post is simply my thoughts about kinky sex and religion. Please believe, I’m in no way trying to attack or make light of any ones religious beliefs or practices.*  

At work one day I overheard a conversation between two ladies talking about masturbation and oral sex being against G-D’s law and their faith. I stood there and eavesdropped for a few moments, puzzled by the things I was hearing. One thing was clear, these women were defiantly never going to be kinky with their husbands. 

Wondering where they had heard these things, I waited a few days before I asked. Shocked at what they had to say about G-D’s view of sex, I didn’t know what to say.

It seems to me, some religious beliefs tend to demonize many types of sexual acts and often time’s leaves people feel a great amount of guilt over their natural urges; kinky or not.

Maybe this is the reason why, when I was a stripper in New Orléans, I made more money during the Baptist Convention than during Mardi Grass that year.

When I told the ladies at work that I didn’t believe masturbation or oral sex was a sin, they were couldn’t grasp why I didn’t believe the way they do. Being a religious Jew, part of a faith that’s perceived to be one of the strictest, they just assumed that my view of sex would also be very strict.

I imagine many of my readers wonder the same type of thing when they find out that I’m Jewish and writing a kinky blog. The reaction I usually get is very confused. How does Orthodox Judaism and kink mix? Yes, I admit, it is strange to find someone like me writing about anal sex, pegging, BDSM, kinky sex and so much more. However, I really don’t feel that it’s religiously prohibited.

If I was to sit down and tell my Rabbi what I share on my blog and that I post naked pictures of myself, he would defiantly believe that I was separating myself from G-D and acting outside of what’s religiously acceptable. Sex in the Orthodox view is a very personal act that’s not to be talked about or shared with others in any way shape or form. On the other hand, there are several sex therapists that are Jewish and work within the community. 

What is the oldest monotheistic religion in the world view of sex?

In Jewish law, sex isn’t considered sinful, shameful, or a necessary evil for the sole purpose of procreation. Although it’s believed that sexual desires come from the Yetzer Ra (the evil impulses), it’s not more evil than thirst or hunger; other natural urges.

In fact sex is an important part of the marriage. Something that’s done out of mutual love and desire, sex is considered a mitzvah (something that we do as a good dead, out of joy, which brings us closer to G-D). In the Jewish view, sex isn’t merely a way of fulfilling our physical desires. Instead, it has immense significance that requires commandment and responsibility to each other.

The first and foremost purpose of marriage is companionship for both the man and women, sex plays an important role for this. Although procreation is one reason for sex, it’s not the only one reason. In the Torah (the first five books of the protestant bible written my Moses), the word used for sex has its root in Yod-Dalet-Ayin, meaning to know. Jewish sexuality involves both the heart and mind, not merely the body. Sex for selfish personal satisfaction without regards for the partner’s pleasure, is wrong and evil.

Sex in the Jewish faith is so important, that it’s included inside Ketubah (marriage contract). A woman’s right to sexual intercourse is referred to as an Onah, it’s one of the three basic rights which a woman has in the marriage; the others are food and clothing. None of which may be reduced. It’s so important, that it’s included inside the Ketubah (marriage contract). Understanding a woman’s need to be intimate, the Talmud (Jewish civil and ceremonial law) specifies both the quantity and quality of sex that man must give to his wife.  A man may never take a vow to abstain from sex and he may not take a long journey that would deprive his wife from sex for an extended period of time.  

Because sex it the woman’s right and a man’s duty, he is obligated to watch for signs that his wife ants sex and offer it to her without her having to ask for it. Neither the man or women is permitted to use sex for manipulation and lack of sex is even grounds for divorce.

What type of sex is permitted in the Jewish faith?

Although some Rabbi’s take a more narrow view, the general view of Halakhah (Jewish law) is that any sexual act that doesn’t involve Tsh’chatat Zerah (destruction of seed ejaculated outside of the vagina) is permissible.

In the Talmud (Jewish civil and ceremonial law)there are passages that encourage foreplay between couples to arouse the woman. In addition, there is even a passage that states; “a man may do whatever he pleases with his wife.” This is generally interpreted that what a man a women find pleasing in the bedroom is completely permissible as long as both parties consent.

Do I feel guilt over my kinky sexual indulgences? Not in the least, and I truly don’t think anyone should.  

Based on how I’ve heard passages from the Talmud interpreted, I have no guilt from any of the kinky fun that we have in our bedroom. G-D created out bodies to feel sensations and pleasure from all sorts of sexual acts. Why should we feel guilt from enjoying the way G-D created out bodies to feel? As long as both parties are agreeable, anything goes between a husband and wife.