Deciding to be kinky in the bedroom may seem like an easy enough concept. Unfortunately, often times, it’s not easy to bring your fantasies into reality. There are all sorts of hurdles to overcome; shame, guilt, fear, insecurities, just to name a few.
For those of us who grew up as what the younger crowd calls ‘old fashioned’, shame was often associated with many sexual acts. Masturbation, anal sex, sex toy and more were considered taboo. I can even remember stereo typed comments referring to one race of people who “doesn’t do oral sex”.
Whether we realized it or not, expectations of how one should and should not act in the bedroom was implanted into our thinking by society. If we wavered from this stereo typical path, we would be thought of as a Jezebel whore, or even worse. In some circles one might even be ostracized for their sexual choices.
For many women my age, sex education was the neighbor hood dogs and the book “Hey G-D It’s me Again, Margaret.”Being raise by parents who were from the generation that had moral concerns over Lucy O’Ball’s on air pregnancy, often times resulted in a sever lack of exposure to sexual exploration.
In main stream society there are religious views of how a marriage should function all the way down to how one should have sex. I have often been told that acts such as role playing, masturbation, anal sex, and even oral sex are sin. For many within religious communities, exploring kinky fantasizes come with struggles and baggage.
Even today when subjects such as butt plugs, bondage, or spanking come up, you get two basic reaction, shock and judgment. Even if they have these same fantasies, in society we don’t feel comfortable with sexual exploration.
If anything, the trilogy ’50 Shades of Grey’ has proven that people from all walks of life are interested in kink, fetish, or BDSM. However, for many there is still fear associated with acting out these fantasies. It feels wrong, we feel too old, or our partner will think we’re crazy; the excuses pile up.
I’m here to tell you; you’re never too old to start exploring what you enjoy sexually. When your marriage of begins to dry up in the bedroom; there’s nothing wrong with discovering now things with your lover. We don’t have to feel guilty about having kinky thoughts. It’s really is ok to step out of the box.
For years we struggled sexually. Sex became a chore and more times than not my goal getting out of intimate time. The spark, that connection with my husband had faded away. One day, he suggested a sex toy. Although I had my reservations, I went along. Now two years later we are sex life is full of passion, exploration, and sheer delight. No longer do I try to avoid being intimate. Instead now, I plan for our date nights and take advantage every opportunity that arises.
Through exploring both our own and each other’s fantasies, we have found a connection that runs deeper than either of us imagined was possible. Through kinky play and BDSM our marriage has new life.
Letting go of baggage that affects how we view sex and what we believe to being acceptable can be a difficult task. I encourage you to find a way to open up to your partner about things you might like to try. Watching porn clips is an excellent way to introduce kinky fantasies. Often time’s short clips will spark an interest and lead to trying it out. Explore your sexual fantasies. Who knows where the road may take you; but one things for sure, it’s sure to be a fun journey.