During the years that are typically spent exploring your sexuality, I was forced into prostitution. I never learned what I liked or how my body reacted to certain things. Sexual acts were forced on me. Even with my husband/pimp sex wasn’t about exploring it was what he wanted when, no matter what it was. Needless to say, I never learned what I liked in the bedroom or what I didn’t like. When I shut down sexually, it was partly because I was tired of my body pleasing others while I didn’t get much out of it.
Because I was forced to do things for other’s pleasures everything from a blow job to anal sex and even normal vanilla sex became something bad. As for Kink and BDSM, I was convinced that was only for men who were really abusers at heart.
How it all changed.
It wasn’t until our daughter joined the Army and left home that our sex life changed. (Many of you have read in an earlier post that the children are not actually Hubby’s. However, they have been our children since the day we married and are always referred to this way.) There wasn’t an AhHa moment, no day that I can put my finger on and say it changed here. But, it wasn’t soon after she moved out that a shift in my thinking began to occur.
I knew with our daughter gone and our son due to leave the next summer, that our house would be empty soon. Without them to care for, I was going to have a lot of time on my hands. Life had always been about them and now they weren’t going to be around.
Instinctively, I decided to make life all about Hubby. After years of being sexual deprived, what he wanted most was a wife in the bedroom. Wanting to please him, I embraced the idea and began to open myself up. Truly discovering sexual pleasure for the first time, we began to explore each other. Hubby took his time and helped me blossom sexually learning what I like and how my body responds to different types of sensations. With encouragement and understanding each step of the way, I began to discover my own sexuality and rediscovered sex.
Sex was becoming fun and something that I looked forward to. I quickly learned how to schedule my evenings making sure that everything was done with plenty of time for play latter.
During this time, we ordered our first sex toy. That simple glass dildo that opened up a whole new world for us. One toy led to another and then another. Before I knew it, our collection included vibrators, strap-on dongs, butt plugs and more. Pretty soon, we stumbled into kink and discovered that it was exciting and truly stimulating. On little thing led to another little thing and now we are exploring and discovering all sort of new kinky pleasures. This transformation wasn’t easy and there were lots of bumps in the road. But, each brick wall we’ve hit has fallen down. I’m sure there will be others along the way, but we’ll face them together.
After sharing a little bit of our story on EdenFantasys, a few of the women from the community encouraged me to become active on the site. I began writing reviews of our sex toys and writing for SexIs Magazine. Limited in what we could share on EF, I started a small Blogger blog last year. That little blog has blossomed into Kink, etc…
As I open up and share, I grow in many areas. Not only sexually. Through this blog I’m discovering myself, my talents and even redefining who I am.
Through being a Sex Blogger, I’m able to show that sex is exciting and that there’s nothing shameful about it even though society doesn’t tend to embrace it positively. After spending years of my life as a prude, I want others to know that sexual exploration is ok and that it can bring you closer to your partner. I want to encourage others to try new things and to help them feel comfortable opening themselves up to new pleasures.
This series is my life story in a nice little nut shell. I’m sure it has left a lot of you with questions and wanting to know more. Stay tuned, I’ll be sharing more in-depth posts about the struggles and triumphs very soon.
So proud of you for this series! I know how hard it is to open up but I’m so excited to learn more about you!